Beatrice, my imaginary assistant, who fields the complaints
The outsourced commentators, who comment on other blogs on my behalf (24/7 bunker-based, meagerly recompensed, quality service)
Speccy the Mascot. She has brought us much good fortune, and it is safe to say that without her benign and alert presence Pretty Far West would not have become the International Juggernaut of Good Taste you see before you today.
Consultant Jar Filling Designer: the redoubtable Jacqueline. Note to HR: Jacqueline has filled jars tirelessly and with unfaltering grace. Her loss at this stage would be one of cataclysmic proportions. Commission a short opera around this theme.
[how to store leftover paint in Blogtopia]
Senior Sofa Manager and VP of Shelving (non-stipendiary): Paula. To our considerable sadness, the lovely Paula moved to London earlier this year. Since her departure, our sofas have become utterly unmanageable.
Senior Senior Design Consultants. This position has recently been offered on a freelance executive consultancy basis to the Hattatts, glittering socialites, able raconteurs, and the latest darlings of the Blogtopian intellegentsia. We hope their presence will bring a touch of continental flair to the team.
Junior Senior Design Consultant: Vacancy to be advertised once the Hattatts have taken up their duties. Conceived as a fetching and carrying support role.
Vice Junior Senior Design Consultant: Lucille has kindly volunteered to take on this responsible and demanding position.
I trust I haven't inadvertently omitted anyone. The role of Queen Mother to the team will shortly be readvertised, due to certain irregularities in the recruitment process last time round.
We had hoped to offer Jane the position of Global Director of Flowers, but I missed her Flowers in the House gig today so now is not a good time. The matter will be sensitively broached in due course.