Monday, September 26, 2011

Internal Memorandum: Staffing

Following the recent expansion of the team, here's how the Pretty Far West staffing situation stands at the end of September, 2011:

Self

Beatrice, my imaginary assistant, who fields the complaints

The outsourced commentators, who comment on other blogs on my behalf (24/7 bunker-based, meagerly recompensed, quality service)

Speccy the Mascot. She has brought us much good fortune, and it is safe to say that without her benign and alert presence Pretty Far West would not have become the International Juggernaut of Good Taste you see before you today.

Consultant Jar Filling Designer: the redoubtable Jacqueline. Note to HR: Jacqueline has filled jars tirelessly and with unfaltering grace.  Her loss at this stage would be one of cataclysmic proportions. Commission a short opera around this theme.

[how to store leftover paint in Blogtopia]

Senior Sofa Manager and VP of Shelving (non-stipendiary): Paula. To our considerable sadness, the lovely Paula moved to London earlier this year. Since her departure, our sofas have become utterly unmanageable.

Senior Senior Design Consultants. This position has recently been offered on a freelance executive consultancy basis to the Hattatts, glittering socialites, able raconteurs, and the latest darlings of the Blogtopian intellegentsia.  We hope their presence will bring a touch of continental flair to the team.

Junior Senior Design Consultant: Vacancy to be advertised once the Hattatts have taken up their duties.  Conceived as a fetching and carrying support role.

Vice Junior Senior Design Consultant: Lucille has kindly volunteered to take on this responsible and demanding position.

I trust I haven't inadvertently omitted anyone. The role of Queen Mother to the team will shortly be readvertised, due to certain irregularities in the recruitment process last time round.

We had hoped to offer Jane the position of Global Director of Flowers, but I missed her Flowers in the House gig today so now is not a good time.  The matter will be sensitively broached in due course.

42 comments:

  1. I think you need a HR consultant for all of this Mise. I'm your girl. I've been known to work pro bono for deserving cases :)

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  2. Does this mean that my job is still safe Mise ? I do hope so as I so enjoy my work. I have so many more ideas to bounce off the walls and I really do think that my job is 'washing it's own face' !
    Just send my new contract and I will sign it ASAP. XXXX

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  3. Mise, I know you haven't advertised for one, but I think you need me for your Disaster Recovery/Contingency Planning Manager. In these uncertain times, flattened cushions and clashing colour palette emergencies in Blogtopia must be managed. I come with butcher's paper. xx

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  4. Thank you Mise. I didn't really know where my life was going. Empty nest and all that. Now to business. Have you laid in stocks of homemade washi tape?

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  5. I am all puffed up with self importance now that I have a title.

    I think I just outgrew my hat or maybe my jeans, something in any event no longer fits.

    I guess I am now too big for my britches.

    You are 99% forgiven for not being able to fit even one little flower into this post.

    A bribe, I mean a box of homemade fudge should take care of that other pesky 1%.

    xo jane

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  6. Hey! I want a job too! I've done PR and Sales! How about I do the Puffery and Bribing?

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  7. Don't you dare bestow the role of Queen Mother on me!!
    Millie xx

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  8. hehehehe.. Love Millie's comment.. I missed the previous advertising of the Queen Mother role.. Unfortunately though I am as unmotherly as they come!!!

    Glad to see all is well in The House of Mise.. ciao ciao

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  9. Back... I may have to assist Brismod in the Disaster Recovery position.. I do indeed has expertise in that arena.. [or was that creating disasters? I'll get back to you on that]

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  10. 'have'.. not 'has'.. Ok I miss out on the editing position

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  11. Good to see staffing levels are up to scratch. I am oviously missing a trick here, and there I was trying to cope all on my lonesome. Imagine my stress levels, to say nothing of the working hours involved.

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  12. Ah that Millie - I'd be happy to give her a queen motherly reference, she's so obviously well qualified for the position.

    Would you have a lowly position I could fill Mise? Second Third or Fourth Junior Lowly Pillow Plumper perhaps? I could send my CV for your valued consideration.

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  13. Pro bono swings it for you, Kerry. I'd be honoured if you were to become Territorial HR Head with special responsibility for intimidating new recruits.

    Jacqueline, of course. We live in constant terror that you will be headhunted away.

    Anita, we certainly have a worrying gap in Disaster Recovery. Preparedness will be your remit. Please help yourself to the fastest vehicle in the PFW executive car-pool, as the possibility of flattened cushions sends a chill down my spine.

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  14. Lucille, it sure sounds as though we need a Washi Tape Procuring Assistant. Leave it with me.

    LPC, what an honour! I had never dared to hope that you might take on Puffery and Bribing. I've been trying to look after the area myself, bumbling around in my amateurish way, but I know that you will far exceed my efforts.

    Jane, the new Global President of Puffery and Bribing will be establishing a subcommittee to sort out that 1% fudge bribe for you as soon as some early emergency puffing has been accomplished.

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  15. Millie, Queen Mother would be entirely too junior for your talents. I had you pencilled in as Global Helen of Troy - would that suit?

    Julie, thank you. Disaster Recovery Assistant it is, with special responsibility for recovery from skipping the primer coat in furniture upcycling projects.

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  16. Susan, it's a common issue in blogging. I find myself that one should never do anything oneself beyond the commisssioning of new post feasibility studies.

    Amanda, with your renowned work-ethic, I feel that you could manage the Second Third AND Fourth Junior Lowly Pillow Plumper roles. The plumpness of our pillows will be safe in your capable hands.

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  17. Complaints? I see why an imaginary Beatrice would suffice for such imaginary situations.

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  18. I would like to be notified when the opening for 'Queen Mother' is publicised. I will learn how to make yoghurt. I will even source new fancy cushions. Please, give a girl a chance.

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  19. Delighted to see so much job creation in the Pretty Far West of Ireland. Keep up the good work.

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  20. I swear~~you're a genius~~you grab my attention with every posting concept...I'm particularly amused with the clever device for storing paint in Blogtopia.

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  21. Hello Mise:
    We accept, we accept!!! *tears*

    We should like to thank our mothers for pointing us in the direction of all things stylish, expensive and fur trimmed, Nicky Haslam for showing us how to use a stuffed fox with elegance,Farrow and Ball for giving us the confidence to paint a room 'Dead Salmon' and to everyone in Blogtopia who has made this and so many, many other virtual wonders possible. Thank you!!!

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  22. Móna, your glowing CV and wonderful duck eggs have reached the final stage of the rigorous Queen Mother selection process. I don't want to be seen to give you an unfair advantage over the other finalists, but can tell you in the strictest confidence that most marks will be awarded for the angle at which the hat is worn during the interview.

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  23. Jane and Lance, we were all on edge there, wondering whether you would take up the senior senior design position proffered. Now that you have so graciously done so, let the Staff Ball commence.

    (Band strikes up Can't Live If Living Is Without You)

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  24. I think I should be the Scottish Correspondent for Blogtopia, letting you know which is the favoured tartan this season, and taste-testing haggis for your gourmet readers!!

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  25. A staff ball! We are lucky, indeed. Will there be wine as well as the line dancing?

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  26. I believe you still need a cushion wranger.

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  27. Can I be the pink knife sharpener?

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  28. Can I be Chief Cheerleader and Tea Pourer?

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  29. I would like to apply for the position of assistant supreme lurker .

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  30. It feels like one could do with all those helpers just to keep on top of things. So glad you've got the Hattat's on board, there will be an added sophistication now! Enjoyed the madness! Love Linda x

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  31. Oh just had a thought, was there any mention of money? Linda x

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  32. I have now chosen best said hat and will practice mirrorside hourly. Tipping to the furthest west as we speak.

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  33. Oh Mise, I leave town for two days and the household at Pretty Far West will never be the same again. Congratulations on appointing the Hattatts. Does this mean they must now re-locate to Ireland to their 3 storey country house?(Band play:- Raindrops keep falling on my head")Ireland is waiting with bated breath for their arrival and definitely a National holiday will be created "St. Hattatt of Galway and the Islands". My warmest congratulations and good wishes to all the successful applicants and their new appointments.
    I hereby submit my application for the position of Chief Docent/Curator and duster of objects d'arte.
    Helenxx

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  34. Hi Mise, thanks for your visit and good idea about kitchen uniformity. You must eat a lot of jam? Have a wonderful weekend, the heavens have just opened here! Love Linda x

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  35. Mise; I 'only' looked you up because of your so funny comment on Shell's Francophile Friday blog and now I am just sitting here and noisily chuckling over your own blog.... you seem to me being a girl I really like for so many reasons.
    You've got an excellent sense of humour, you're innovative, not taking yourself too importantly, you have a great command of all things I’d like to comment on (if I had the time) and you definitely need ME in your team – for whatever post you still have to fill – except maybe the Queen’s Mother place because although I am no longer a spring chick I feel too young inwardly to play her – but I make a very, very mean espresso (if I can take my espresso machine with me!) and a more than decent Earl Grey Tea with REAL tea leaves and not a sad bag….  Does that count for something???
    Oh, and I have lived for over 8 years in South Devon, UK… Maybe that adds 2 or 3 Brownie Points?!
    I shall be obliged to add you to my E-Mail-List of getting your contributions (although I cannot promise to read you regularly but still….)
    Love, your newest virtual friend, the Swiss girl living presently in France
    Kiki

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  36. the little square should have been a smile.... :)
    I must have typed too fast (this happens a lot....)

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  37. .... and because usually I think (but again, not always) before hitting the send button, here one more:

    I could be your photographer - and your International coordinator, having lived in different places and being aware of cultural and emotional differences of perception, advising on how to talk to a French/English/Italian/Swiss/German/American/Canadian and some other countries people...

    and I am NOT EVER bribing anybody because I'm after a giveaway, because I give away so many things on a weekly basis that I could open a website just for those.... BUT you do have a VERY PRETTY SMILE which I - in turn - find a very attracitve feature in my friends. I only befriend people with a lovely smile, so you're spot on!
    And now I MUST work in my garden...

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  38. I see the position of Official Taster (in the department of Jar Filling) has yet to be filled. Given that my name is also Jacqueline, I feel I am naturally suited to work tirelessly and gracefully along side Jacqueline to make sure this department continues to function tirelessly and gracefully. Salary is negotiable.

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  39. Oh my....you are growing by leaps and bounds...you now have such a compendium of impeccably admired, qualified, and talented staffers Mise....I am stupefied with amazement!

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  40. With such a team, you are now unstoppable! But please, be responsible and careful.

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