Tuesday, June 28, 2011

every time you go away

The Special Commission for the Investigation into the Unfortunate Loss of a Follower, established by myself in 2009, submitted its final report (20 pages) and its itemised expenses (29 pages) today.

[curtain fabric 1: Rosemist Seacrest; possibly my favourite]

I only had time to glance briefly through the file, as I'm busy choosing fabric for the new curtains, but it appears that the Commission's Investigatory Subcommission for Sleuthing finally tracked the former follower down to a pub in Donnybrook, where, when challenged, she stated that she ceased to follow Pretty Far West on the 23rd of October 2009 because she "couldn't be doing with any more of this Lifestyle carry on" and, besides, had become engaged to marry a geography teacher.

[curtain fabric 2: Meadow Rose; serene but perhaps genteel]

Fair enough, fair enough. The Special Commission thanked her for her input, and, as the Irish Constitution enshrines the right to Be Like That Then, bought her a double vodka and coke to show that we bear her no illwill. Upon leaving, the Special Commission fed enough coins into the jukebox to play Every Time You Go Away on repeat for an hour, and there the matter was allowed to rest.

[curtain fabric 3: Beach Petal; more vivid than you'd think]

As we are hardened to follower loss and cannot pay any further sleuthing expenses, the Special Commission is hereby disbanded. Thank you, good and faithful servants.


  1. I've lost a lot of followers lately. Maybe you could come investigate my situation? And hang curtains?

  2. Well, I certainly hope it was bottom shelf vodka.

  3. Several have crept away from me also.

    I presumed they came over here. No?

    I idly wonder what was the final straw....the Lab writing a post? The Lab not writing enough posts? It's a dog for God's sake, it's not easy for her to type.

    But myself and the remaining 150 (at last check, could be fewer now) all vote for fabric #1.

    xo Jane

  4. ah yes dear Mise... the mystery of the missing follower.. I suspect your commission could do a global wide report into the activities of this brand of blogger..

    I have to go back to your post now as I've forgotten what the fabrics looked like.. I'm guessing pink. with a touch of pink? [no that there's anything wrong with that]

    Have a great week Mise.. and may all your followers be faithful and true .. ciao xxx Julie

  5. Everyone's gone off blogging altogether and they're on to forums that require less effort. Only us chatty sort remain, but we're the best when time comes to drink heavily. I like the first pink best of all.

    You are just about the only person, you and Mrs. Blandings, who make me want to do anything like decorating my house.

  6. Oh no, I wanted my former followers challenged and serenaded.

  7. I fear that there is an epidemic out there to rival avian flu (flew, gone, get it!) We're not supposed to vote are we?

  8. I like the first and second fabric swatches.
    You took the "higher path" and remained calm and composed in light of finding the "lost follower" even your sheep know their name. That cowardly, thoughtless,two-faced, unsubscribing bloggerhead should be brought to justice, possibly before a Tribunal.


  9. I find I lose no followers when I don't post for two weeks... I wonder what that says about my writing? I am not going to form a committee. I don't really want to know.

  10. More gratuitous shirtless shots of Jason is our strategy on how we deal with such issues. For every reader who drops off we gain three more. It's a very shallow strategy...

    I like the last fabric image best. The more vivid the better I say. xx

  11. Geography teachers, the natural nemesis of bloggers everywhere. Love your blog and your fabric choices.

  12. I like the first and last fabrics, the middle one is entirely too mild. Maybe you should send that one to the lost follower.


  13. I don't understand about followers. They come and they go like the tide, and like King Canute, I have no influence on this as far as I can tell. They are the least likely people to comment is all I observe.

  14. Those followers are a fickle lot. I think the Tribunal was more than generous, what with the vodka and all. Waste no more time Mise - the curtains are so much more important.

  15. Hello Mise:
    We can say with complete confidence that should you have any further Follower issues of any kind [ mute, lost or no pretty picture for example] then we can fully recommend the Hungarian police to deal with them. With no advance warning they can lock down your site within a second [after all they can barricade a city in hours], don riot gear, arm themselves with tear gas and parcel off any troublemakers into a waiting green van never to see the light of day again. We speak from regular experience.

    As for the curtain fabric, an issue in our view of the utmost importance compared with minor trivialities such as National Security or public disorder, then we should go for number 2. We love the dusty pink and feel that its rather more bold design will stand up well to your magnificent sofa.

  16. I don't have sufficient follower numbers to warrant the formation and subsequent dissolution of a Special Commission. But should the opportunity ever present itself, I will ensure there is sufficient budgetary funding for alcohol and jukeboxes. {Nice fabrics. I'm swayed in the direction of the Rosemist Seacrest.}

  17. I fixed my "lost Followers" issue by deleting the whole pack of them. No more little smiling faces and peony's staring at me leaving me to wonder who abandoned me. It was freeing, like burning your bra.....

  18. I don't think I have 'followers', so I can't lose them. My time is better spent drinking and admiring other people's efforts at homemaking. BTW, have you ever thought about using pink in your house?

  19. One of my followers IS a geography teacher. Wonder what that says about my blog?

    Personally Mise, I'd follow you anywhere xx

    PS I've now had 'Every Time You Go Away' on constant replay in my head for the past hour (it doesn't usually take me an hour to type a comment, but I'm multi-tasking today rather than giving your blog the attention it deserves. Paul Young on constant replay is probably a fitting punishment for such a lack of courtesy on my part.)

  20. KarenG, the rotten meanies!

    Lisa, and well diluted vodka at that.

    Flwrjane and the remaining 150, thank you. They came here, right enough, but we wouldn't have anyone who was so lacking in taste as to leave you, so they were sent packing. None of them was wearing nice shoes.

  21. Julie, how well you know me (and my penchant for your pink-toned photos).

    LPC, I'm honoured! I suspect you'd decorate your house beautifully with metaphors for the subtleties of being, however that translates into wallpaper.

    Denise, I'll have a poem written for your former followers. Something misty but cutting. That'll show them.

  22. Kerry, some people have forged right in and voted anyhow. They were probably voted Most Likely To, back in the day.

    Helen, bloggerhead is now my favourite new word.

    Ann, I've noticed that too, and yet one has to keep posting with reckless defiance.

  23. Anita, five of your followers are me under assumed names. I felt I owed it to Jason to maintain a strong presence.

    DearHelenHartman, thank you!

    Darla, I'm inclined to agree.

  24. Lucille, I think followers follow in the hope that you'll follow back, and when you don't they either don't notice or they go off in a huff.

  25. I would have to choose fabric number one.
    As for the follower -- the one you lost --
    good riddance I say. Let them find fulfillment
    reviewing ordinance survey maps by candlelight.

  26. I have gone from 33 followers to 0 all in within a week because i just renamed myself from Blacklashes to BuzzandLola....lets hope some find their way back, its lonley talking to myself..hahahah :-)

  27. Would you want a follower who's weedy enough to drop everything dear to her for a new fiancè .... even were he not a geography teacher ?
    She sounds a bit like the owner of a rather grim house we looked round years ago . She opened the door to the downstairs loo ,very quickly gestured inside and shut it .... but not before we'd caught a breathtaking whiff of pee . "My Father-in-Law uses this . He was a bank manager , you know " .
    Anyway , swiftly moving on .... the first curtain fabric is very pretty and floaty . And gin's nicer than vodka .

  28. Amanda, I will be mentioning you in the 'couldn't have done it without your support' speech when the curtains are up.

    Jane and Lance, those Hungarian police gents sound very versatile. Would there be a Mad Boy among them who would suit?

    Shell, you have the most devoted followers in Blogtopia. No one will ever leave you.

  29. Chania, exactly what I did a while ago, with equal liberation. "Take that, well-meaning, loyal and kind people!" I said to myself as I pressed REMOVE.

    Speccy, I'm glad to hear you're keeping the drinking up. Sometimes you sound so busy that I worry that it might be getting sidelined.

  30. Mel, as a nod to the reader demographic, should you insert more geography into your blog? A weekly refreshing round of 'Name that Substratum"?

    Sorry about the tune; it got stuck in my head too and I was only trying to pass it on.

  31. Móna, it sounds so tempting when you put it like that, like a hybrid of the French Lieutenant's Woman and an Bord Pleanála.

    Hilary, I'll be there in a jiffy.

    SandS, thanks for moving on so swiftly. You are clearly a good, right-thinking person.

  32. Would you want a follower who was married to a geography teacher? Love the curtian samples - but of course I can't choose, as I am a Libra!!
    ps, nowI know why I don't have that followers malarkey - much too distressing when one leaves!

  33. Hi mise,
    Well I laughed at this one! How funny you are! And I need a laugh, got the cold. I've never had to worry about followers as I only have 12! I find it amazing that I can get the whole post thing happening and get it out there to worry about anything else. My reason for the blog in the first place was to become computer literate and hence not ask my daughters how to do this and that all the time. I've got a shelf life and then I'll be onto something else....love fabric no 2.
    Have a lovely week,

  34. Hilarious post and resulting commentary! As one person said, "I'd follow you anywhere." goes for me too. You always lift my day to a good Laugh Out Loud.

  35. French lieutenant and Bord pleanála....killing me. Brilliant imagery there...


  37. Please, I am begging, be my follower and I will be yours forever and ever.
    I am not a stalker.
    Good luck with curtains!

  38. I will follow you twice in order to make up for your sudden loss.

  39. yeah, i bet she really just went to bali for a holiday, came back with a henna tat and beaded hair and denounced the internet. Now that she's back to drinking vodka and cokes in the local, she probably misses the lovely diversion of your blog, but is to ashamed to admit the whole truth!

  40. This comment has been removed by the author.

  41. Be damned that unfaithful follower. I get the sympathy followers. The ones that feel bad if you comment on theirs, that they feel compelled to reply on yours. I suspect my wayward followers could just be at that very pub in Donnybrook too. Sounds like it could be a hot spot? As for fabric choices, I proudly choose #1. Mise, you always..always..make me smile : )

    x Deb

    *sorry for the delete, apparently I can't form a rational thought tonight.

  42. For some reason Phil Collin's "Follow You, Follow Me" springs to mind. Those divine pink fabrics should certainly be a comfort to you. Meredy xo.

  43. Uh no. I never even thought about the 'unfollowers'. I bet it's happened to me and I didn't even notice. Disaster.
    I love the meadow rose fabric. Oh I'm so easily distracted!

  44. Jaboopee, what a perfect, noble song for a departing follower. Would you collaborate with me on a Blogging Compilation (covers, Joe on guitar and drums, backing dancers to wear crochet lampshades)? I can't see how that wouldn't make us ridiculously rich.

  45. I'm sorry to hear of your loss, but it's always good to see a blog post with reference to Paul Young, my teenage crush of choice.

  46. And thank you everso for pimping my giveaway so nicely. Top left! I have always aspired to be top left of Pretty Far West.

  47. Just found your blog; I think it was where that missing follower left it.

    I like your style of writing, it's given me a laugh.

  48. I love your site and of course will follow forever.

    It seems I have lost some persons of interest lately, hmmm do you think they only joined to win a fabulous giveaway!!

    Love the first fabric.

    Art by Karena


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