House & Home have given me a subscription to their magazine,
heralding a whole year of lounging about
on my fine collection of sofas
reading of other people's glossy kitchens
and thrifted chandeliers
while imaginary household members carry tea to me
on fashionable trays.
[Thank you, House and Home.]
This is surely an auspicious thing.
Golfing Weekly will contact me
for a three page illustrated feature on my Swing
(if that is suitable golfing terminology),
my homemade fudge will be showcased
in the Dublin Metropolitan Museum of Homemade Fudge
and the New Yorker will ply me
with foreign dollars.
in its Great Way,
will name an ocean liner after me, or a beer.
I'll be famous in Blogtopia,
my aura will expand,
ambassadors will court me
and parfums will bear my brand.
My posts will be ghostwritten
as I'll be so in demand
and then I'll give it up for music
and the free electric band.