[Starts to read out all 69 comments]
[Audience stirs fretfully, boos and hisses]
[A woman at the back flings curtain tie-backs and scented tea-lights angrily at the podium]
[Sighs, abandons planned programme of choral recitation of own verse]
And the winner, as chosen by random.org, is no. 26, Helen of Feeding Five for Fifty. Helen, I'll be in touch to organise your prize.
Ladies and Gentlemen, the bar is now open.